Recognizing Signs of Abuse in Marriage | When to Stay, When to Go

Recognizing Abuse in Marriage: How to Know When It’s Time to Leave

Abuse is not always visible. Sometimes, it hides behind kind gestures, apologetic words, and moments of peace. But the pattern of control, manipulation, and fear is what reveals its true nature. In Episode #165 of the Find the Joy with Jenn podcast, I tackled a hard but essential topic: recognizing the signs of abuse in marriage—and how to know when it’s time to stay or when it’s time to go.

If you’ve found yourself constantly walking on eggshells, second-guessing your reality, or questioning your worth in a relationship, this episode is for you.

What Abuse in Marriage

Abuse is about control, not just bruises. You deserve safety and peace.

Really Looks Like

Many people think of abuse as only physical violence, but it comes in many forms:

Physical Abuse: Hitting, pushing, blocking exits, threats to harm you, children, pets, or themselves.
Emotional & Verbal Abuse: Gaslighting, constant criticism, humiliation, the silent treatment, and guilt-tripping.
Financial Abuse: Controlling finances, restricting work, demanding account for every dollar spent.
Spiritual Abuse: Using religion to manipulate, guilt, or justify staying in harmful situations.
Sexual Abuse: Ignoring boundaries, coercing intimacy, using sex as punishment or control.

These forms often overlap, creating a web of control that can make it hard to recognize what's really going on. The key? Look at the pattern of behavior, not isolated incidents.

When to Stay

Not all hard marriages are abusive—and not all abusive relationships are beyond hope. There may be a reason to stay if:

The abusive partner acknowledges their behavior and is actively seeking help.
There’s accountability through therapy, coaching, or a support group.
You feel safe enough to work on the relationship without fear of further harm.

Real change is only possible when there's sincere ownership and consistent action—not just apologies.

When to Leave

If you're in danger or if the abuse is ongoing with no effort to change, it’s time to protect yourself. You are not called to suffer indefinitely in silence. You deserve peace and safety. It’s okay to say, “enough.”

Signs it may be time to leave:

Physical violence or threats continue.
Your partner refuses help and continues to manipulate or isolate you.
You feel unsafe and fearful more often than not.

Leaving can feel terrifying, but you are not alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself:

Create a safety plan – Know where to go and what to take.
Reach out – Talk to trusted friends, family, or professionals.
Document the abuse – If safe to do so.
Seek help – Reach out to a domestic violence hotline or book a free coaching session with me here.

God’s Will Is for Your Safety and Joy

I believe deeply in the power of faith. And I also believe God does not want His children to remain in fear, shame, or danger. Abuse thrives in secrecy, but healing begins with truth and support. You are not weak for wanting to leave. You are brave for facing the truth and choosing a new path.

As I shared in the episode—only you, with God’s help, can make the decision to stay or go. But you don’t have to figure it all out today. Take the next right step. Lean into faith, gather support, and remember this truth:

With God, all things are possible. He can turn your broken pieces into something beautiful.

You Are Not Alone

If this message resonated with you, please listen to the full episode here. You’ll hear examples, encouragement, and reminders that your safety and healing are always worth fighting for.

Need help discerning what to do next? Let’s talk. You can book your first free coaching session with me right here.

Until next time, keep holding onto your faith, seeking joy, and believing in the brighter future that is possible—one step at a time. 💛

Recognizing Signs of Abuse in Marriage: When to Stay, When to Go